5.29.2006

Update

No time for a real post. Haven't been thrifting in a while (although Weds is 1/2 price day-so that will change).

Just wanted to share this picture with you.
I took it this morning at Hoover Resevoir (in Ohio, not the real one).

I got up to film the sunrise for a video project I'm working on.

Seeing the sunrise over the water defies words.

Enjoy the rest of your Memorial Day!


5.24.2006

Open Letter to a Vandal

*I realize that this is of course, not really going to be read by the person that keyed my car Monday since you know nothing about me, this is more for me to let things go and clear the air.-Todd

 
 
Dear Person(s) That Keyed My Car,
 
I wanted to tell you that I'm not mad anymore. And I forgive you. I realize that it's not your fault. It's mine. My fault for expecting things to be like they always were. For not expecting anything unusual to happen in a parking lot that's housed my car without incident for 7 years. For thinking that random acts of stupidness would continue to elude me. You have shown me the light. I now know that stupidity is a pandemic that can strike anyone anywhere at any time.
 
I'd also like to thank you. Thanks to you my car will be getting washed this weekend (something that hasn't happened for a couple of years, at least). And it will also be getting buffed and waxed (which hasn't happened in the 6 years that I've owned the car).
 
I'd like to also mention that at first I blamed the 'smoker's lounge' for this trite act of revenge because it was easier to think that this was a targeted attack rather than some random act.
 
I know now that I will never know which is was. And actually take more comfort in the randomness of the situation.
 
I wanted to let you know that you're probably off the hook, too. The building surveillance tapes won't show anything (and i'm not even sure they had a tape in the recorder), and the Columbus Police have better things to do than take on a case that has no leads and really is little more than a misdemeanor (actually, a nuisance at best).  I'm also not going to tell my Insurance company about our little run-in either. I don't know who you are, but I'm pretty sure that you're not worth higher car insurance premiums.
 
And while I dreamt the past two nights of catching you in the act and smashing your skull in to the roof of my car with a childish grin, I wanted to let you know that I'm mostly over it now. You're not worth the assault charge or jail time that I'd incur for MY revenge.
 
The simple fact is, there's nothing I can do about it. If this was an act of revenge, I'll never know. There were no clues as to what a I was being revenged for (or by whom). Although if it was revenge, I'm pretty happy that you took it out on my car and not by shooting or stabbing me or something.
 
So, in closing, I want to say that I wish you a peaceful life. Obviously you've got something messed up in your life if destruction of property is a viable resolution to a conflict (or worse yet, a means of release from a long day of playing video games and hitting the bong).
 
I forgive you for your stupidity. And my car forgives you (afterall, you scratch like a girl and let's face it, it is just a car). Just let's not let it happen again, mmkay? I'm over it now, but not sure that could supress the urge to live out those dreams if I were to happen to catch you in the act at some point in the future.
 
Sincerely,
Todd S.

5.23.2006

My New Mastercard Commercial

Court Costs, Lost wages, Attorney fees: $2,347.94
Sentence for Assault & Battery: 3-5 years
Satisfaction of catching someone in the act of keying your car....Priceless.


Whether it's blatant street justice, vigiliantism, or sheer revenge nothing helps keep you going like MasterCard.

MasterCard. Accepted by Clerks of Courts in all 50 states.

5.22.2006

Son of a B****!

I'm eating dinner and my stepson comes in..."did you get keyed?" asking me this as if it's some badge of honor or something. And I said "no, not that I'm aware of."

And then I calmly finished my dinner and went out to look. It was on the passenger side (which explains why I didn't see it when I got in the car to come home today. But sure as shit...I was keyed.

And I have to tell you...it pisses me off. And I would have caught the ratbastards in the act...someone would have been hurting. That's just chickenshit.

I don't know who, specifically, it was. I just know who, in general, it was.

There is a group of temps that work on the 3rd floor. And on most days around the time I'm leaving, they're down in the smoking room (in the garage). And that's fine. As long as they stay in that room to smoke and not right by the exit doors, whatever. I'm fine with it. But they don't just let that be that.

At 5PM, the autodoor locks in the garage engage and they get locked out. And by locked out, I mean they have to drag their fatasses around to the front of the building where the lock is still open until about 7 (at which point, there's a buzzer so someone on the 2nd floor can buzz them in). So, they're never really locked out.

But that doesn't matter. The walk is just uncalled for. So they prop the door open. Flip the lock on the door so that they can get back in. Well...I and some others in my office have a tendency to lock that door back up. It's a security risk and I'm sick of them thinking they should get special treatment because they don't want to walk the 100 feet to the front door.

So, If I had to guess, I'd bet money that one of those nicotine huffin' chickenshits keyed my car today.

It's an easy car to spot (A couple of bumper stickers see to that). And I'm an easy target. They wouldn't dare key the car of someone that's in management (i.e. parks in the garage).

Well, I'm not going out like that. I just called building management, told them my suspicions, and tomorrow will be calling the Columbus Police to come out and file a report (so I can at least get the thing taken care of).

Good news is, most of the things don't look particularly deep (more surface scratches than deep gouges) which leads me to believe it was a girl and she was in a hurry and didn't want to get caught.

This ain't over by a damn sight.

5.20.2006

iTod

Mmmmmm. I love White Castles. Unfortunately, the affection is not reciprocated. Nonetheless, it was worth it to have my Whities last night at 1AM. Of course, I had to go 4 hours away from home to get them. Well, I didn't have to, but I never get them in Columbus, so since I was not in Columbus, I got some. And Jen had some White Castle fries (which, contrary to the Beastie Boys song, no longer come in only one size) and some of my onion chips. The reason for this gluttonous feast?

Dylar's 13th birthday party. Dylar is Dylan. Son of my wife's cousin's husband. And they live in Indiana. And a couple of weeks ago, they asked if I could dj his birthday party of about 20-25 13yr olds. So I said "sure" and proceeded to panic about whether I would have the sufficient gear and "cool factor" to dj such a bash. Turns out the gear took care of itself and the cool-factor was really irrelevant. It's a bunch of 13 yr. olds. They have no idea what cool is yet. Cool is saying "sh*t" or "f**k" behind their parents back (ahh, the good old days).

Tommy and Nancy had other comittments, so it was a Father/Daughter road trip. Picked up Jen yesterday afternoon and we headed to Indy.

All in all the party was a success, I'd say. Besides the fact that I didn't have enough slow-songs and not having "Hips Don't Lie" appears to be the just-turned-teen equivalent of a cardinal sin, it was a pretty good show. The strobe lights were a hit. And the fog. Everybody loves a fog machine. I don't care where you are, there are very few events that can't be bumped up to that next level with a fog machine and a driving beat (Ahhh yes...I can see the head >shoooooosh< >thumpathumpathumpathumpa)

So. It was fun. Jen won a $10 Target card for her burping prowess (she makes me so proud!) And we stayed over at the RedRoof Inn (which was right across the street from the White Castes-so choice!). Ate at Bob Evan's (again within walking distance to the hotel) and hit the road. We just got in. And I'm gonna go take a nap...but not before I tell you two things (one cool, one scary).

The coolest. Nash surprised me with a kick-ass gift (as if the hotel, free pizza, pop, nachos and salsa weren't enough). A black and white trucker's hat. But Todd, you say, a hat's not cool. Au contraire, mon frere. This hat is freakin' inspirational y'all. I had come up with (thanks to Nancy's help) the quite straight-forward dj moniker of "SonicTodd." This, however, just kicks that to the curb imho.
















It's sheer genius. He found the Apple logo and infused it with my ongoing theme of the yin and yang (you hear that Lil Jon? It's YIN...not YING. Ignorant f***!). And he managed to find the actual iPod font (which apparently was not easy). And since I deejayed with the iPod, laptop and an iPod Nano from one of the party goers, it was oh so apropos.

It may stick. Even though I thought the logo for the SonicTodd stuff was the bomb...this sh*t is even cooler in my mind. Made cooler still by the fact that it was dubbed upon me...not something I had to make up and try to be clever about. So...yeah. That was hot.

And for the frightening thing. Apparently there's some racecar thing happening in Indianapolis next weekend and everyone's got this pandemic race-fever BS. Well, we saw this as we were leaving.















Folks...no matter how you read this (five-thousand dollars/plate or a five-thousand dollar plate or a five dollar G Plate-which what the heck is a G-Plate?), it's still creepy. Just what could merit such a prize (or entry fee)?? And why, if the restaurant is called Jonathan Byrd's Cafeteria, is it the "Eating Ginny 500?" So many unanswered questions. And we wanted to get home, so I didn't take the time to go find out. Which, in retrospect was probably a good thing. That way, I can just tell myself that it's not possibly as bad as I'd imagined (instead of actually knowing that it was).

And on that, I leave you. To go take a nap before my neighbor's cookout.

5.19.2006

I Love MS Paint

Word.
Got the Birthday party in 15 hours or so. First "real" tune-throwing gig in oh..20 years or so. I'm pretty pumped. Got most of my stuff packed up (I'll load it up in the car tomorrow).

And now...here it is...my moment of MS Paint Glory....



Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!


5.16.2006

Question of the Day

Q: What do you get when you put a 30-something yr. old man, with a yamaha 150 watt powered mixer, an iPod, a laptop, a Audio Centron PA cab, 2 Infinity SM115 speakers and a buttload of MP3's?
 
A:.DJ SonicTodd
 
 
 
Some of you might remember my "sonictoad" phase. Please don't ask me what the heck that was about. I thought it was cool or something. I still get stuff sent to the sonictoad email (even though I've made the todd at twistedzen dot com my primary email). Sonictoad has evolved or gone extinct. From now on, the moniker for any (cough) dj'ing or mixing shite I do will be as DJ SonicTodd
 
It's simple, clean. To the point.
 
I'll be giving the new persona a trial (by fire) run this Friday night. If I haven't disclosed the full details, then I'm a doof. But the dealio is this: Jen and I driving over to Indy  Friday afternoon (Nancy and Tommy are staying home). And I'm DJ'ing Dylan's (of Hippy Birthdoy Dylar fame) 13th birthday party. Free pizza and chips and salsa...how could I say no? We'll be staying over and driving back home Saturday morning where I need to be available to provide more music for our neighbor's Saturday afternoon cook-out/birthday party for his woman. So I have to make the switch from Thug(c)rap to Classic Rock in less than 24 hours.
 
I have to say I'm really looking forward to it. It's not really a big deal, I know. The use of the term "DJ" could really be seen as somewhat limited in this particular context. There will be no scratching per se. And there will be very limited mixing (more like fading in mixes other people have done), but it's still going to be fun. There may be some games of some sort...but it was like- "Todd....play some music for 5 hours.And eat some pizza and chips and salsa" Um. OK!
 
Who can say no to pizza and chips and salsa? Not me!
 
I'll definitely give you an update (I think Jen's going to use one of my cameras to film and I'll be using the other one as the "booth cam." Who knows, maybe we'll get a fun little movie out of it?
 
There's going to be little going on between now and then. I'm just warning you now that I probably won't be doing many updates before the weekend.
 
Peace Out.
 
 
 
 
 

5.15.2006

Weekend Update

Nothing new to report.
I was going to a big long post about the weekend, but I'm just not feeling it right now.

My tummy is kind of yucky. I think I put too much Bay Seasoning on the popcorn.

But it's all good. Because I'm listening to Newcleus in my new Noise Canceling Radio Shack (Koss) headphones. And dude...they sound sweet. I'm pretty sure I can drown out the talking d****bags in the quiet lab.

And, they are going to be good for filming. I'll be able to hear just what's coming through the camera (or the minidisc). And they should be pretty good for this weekend.

And, also for the weekend, I picked up some Monster Cable that RadioShack had on sale. This freakin' cable is normally like $40 for the heavy duty braided stuff. It was on sale for $9. I didn't see how I could pass it up. And it's definitely more pro-looking than the 18gauge BS speaker wire on a spool I would have been using. This stuff looks like it belongs with the mixer and maybe it's just me buying in to the hype, but it does seem to have better response. I had the mixer pushed up pretty high this evening. My neighbors have to hate me by now. But it'll all be over soon.

I just hope that the tracks are dope enough to keep the 13 year olds jamming for the hours from 7PM to 10PM. We'll see.

5.10.2006

Shellshock

I don't know why I didn't see this coming. They do this every year. But tonight...dammit...I didn't think it would be Chris!!!


American Idol, you are dead to me.


At least until next season's auditions where I can laugh at the new crop of wannabes.

Ain't Nothin' But a (4)G Thang

I know 2 things.
 
  1. I cannot, repeat CANNOT walk past a Cinnabon store 6 times in one week without making a purchase. It just isn't going to happen.And it didn't. On my way to pick up the 4th iPod in 15 months (more on that later), I broke down on pass number 6. I figured, what the heck, I have plenty of flex points left. I was pleasantly surprised. They were only 1/2 as bad for me as I had been planning for.The second thing I know is this.
  2. The Apple Protection Plan (A mere $59 out of pocket) for the iPod was WELL FREAKIN' WORTH IT!
 
Worth it? Yes dear readers, totally, absolutely, unequivocally worth every penny. Why? Because I've gone through 3 of the damn things in 15 months. Yes. I'm on iPod # 4 as we speak. Yes, you read correctly. The iPod I got last night (which was iPod #3) screwed the pooch today. I hadn't even listened to a single song!! I took it in to the the G(enius) Bar today at lunch and said to Brad (Tad and Chad must've been off)..."Dude. What the hell?" I got the standard "wow...we normally don't have this kind of problem (translation:most people don't ever use their Apple Protection Plan).   I told him I was pissed. He said he would be too. Great. Now stop trying to bond and get me a piece of gear that works, mmmkay? If THIS one dies an unnatural death, I'm gonna crawl up Apple's butt and demand a pony or something. I should NOT have to come in as a matter of routine every 6 months and get a new iPod because mine decides to head down south for the winter never to return.
 
Back to Brad. He vanishes. 20 minutes later he emerges with a new (to me) 40GB iPod. He gave me some spiel about how he loaded songs, ran the update, ran the restore and loaded more songs (and "Hey-at least their free, but don't listen to them too long or your ears will bleed"-his exact words).  So, I played the thing all the way back to the office. I figured, if it's gonna be dead by morning, I'm gonna listen it now. Bleeding ears and all.
 
And it seems to be fine. So, 4th one's a charm. I'll try to keep a warm and fuzzy outlook about this one and who knows?
 
What? I'm sorry. You'll have to speak to my left ear. The right one seems to be full of something.

5.09.2006

diePod

If you guessed from the title that this post was about a dead iPod. You were right. But I don't have any prizes. Just give yourself a pat on the back and pretend it's from me.

Yeah. I got the sad iPod face tonight. And then I got the click, click, click, click sound that I know all too well. It's the sound of the seek heads on a harddrive not being able to line up properly. So, at 8:30 I hopped in the squeakmobile and headed over to the Apple store at Easton. I tried to get signed in at the genius bar, but it said they were too busy, but Tad and Chad (not their real names) were able to help anyway between the other two customers there.


As soon as I get done explaining the situation to Tad , I go to hand him my iPod and I turned it on. And the damn thing worked!! I told him that the crisis was averted, but he offered to run diagnostics on it anyway. I said "Sure. Fire Away"

I hand it to him and he asks, "Do you mind if I wipe the harddrive?" Well, no. If they gave me a knew one, I'd have to start over from scratch anyway. So, I told him to have at it.

He looked at me and said, "You got all your songs on iTunes? Any thing on here I should know about"

Well...I've got some blow in the glove box and a 12 gauge under the seat MP3Officer, but other than that, nothing to worry about.

Of course I didn't say that. Hell, I didn't even think about it until I got 1/2 way home with my new (quite likely refurbed) iPod. That was after I convinced myselft that the iPodstapo was not going to come after me because Tad had wiped the harddrive.

And now the new (quite likely refurbed) iPod is charging. I'll start the task of loading up again tomorrow (if I got started tonight, I'd never get any sleep).

I'm actually happy this happened when it did (instead of at the party). I got the sad iPod face a month or so back and it mysteriously recovered again. But, I have to say my confidence in it wasn't too high.

And I need it to work next weekend. I'd hate to have the thing just take a big old crap at Dylan's birthday party. How the heck do you tell a roomful of 13 year olds that there's not going to be any music at the party because the iPod took a dump.


But all seems to be well now.

And about that pat on the back? Heck, take two-they're small.

5.08.2006

Genius Director Or Marketing Genius?

Finally....after nearly 20 years, Lucas is doing the right thing. The only thing that can satisfy true StarWars fans (and by true, I mean those who actually saw it in movie theatres in 1977 before it was Orwelled into the piece of tauntaun dung that it is today).


That's right. The original, unaltered versions of the original trilogy are coming out on DVD. No Greedo shooting (and missing horribly-you really think anyone, let alone a bounty hunter would miss from 2 feet???). No Hayden Christiansen (I just threw up a bit in my mouth) superimposed at the end of Return of the Jedi. No re-dubbing of Boba Fett's voice with the piss poor what's his nuts that played Jango Fett. No Han Solo stepping on Jabba's tail. No Jabba period until the appropriate reveal (I don't want to see him in Star Wars. It just clouds the issue). No super fancy death star explosion. No super digitally enhanced special effects. Just the original brilliant trilogy that captivated our hearts nearly 30 years ago.


All I can say is....it's about damn time.

5.04.2006

Everybody's Thriftin' for the Weekend

Alright...you've all been so kind and patient with me lately that I thought I'd give you a little somethin' to roll into my three-day weekend with. Today (that day actually being Thursday, and not Friday when I actually got around to writing this), Wayrho and I headed over to Ohio Thrift for a special late-week thrift.

I had planned on just doing a t-shirt only post, but I got more. Oh yes. Much more.

Let's start of with this lovely Stetson "Untamed*" Gift pack....

(*You can't tell from this pic, but the crumpled up Pabst beer can and the wifebeater t-shirt is also included.)

Up next, this lovely picture frame (that reminds me of a toilet paper tube project we did in art class in 2nd Grade).

Oh look...it's from way back in yore!


That's right boys and girls...for only $9 (American) you can have this....

your very own soul-stealing wooden creep you the f*** out monkey!!



OK...a leather steering wheel cover I can understand.

But sheepskin?? I don't know what "four seasons comfort" is, but if any of those seasons include rain, your steering wheel is going to smell like wet sheep. And nobody wants that!

I don't think I'm alone here when I say that clowns just creep me the hell out.

And one .that sounds like an ice-cream truck on acid with a turning head is just plain wrong. Very uncalled for indeed!


This is what happens when purses can no long be useful members of society:



Screw you NetFlix! This is kickin' it old school.
It's just how I roll.



And now on to the shirts. Once again, Hawaiian shirts for skinny ass people...Oh how you mock me!! But not for long...


Revenge was mine when I found this little gem..
And while it's technically not a Hawaiian shirt, per se (unless the Old Navy was stationed in Hawaii), it does have that general feel. And that's good enough for me.


Hmm. That's a funny way to spell "Peyton."

Let this be a lesson to you...if you're the 2nd string quarterback...you WILL get your own t-shirt. but you will NOT find it anywhere but in thrift stores.

OK. Whatever drugs you're taking that let you think it's OK to wear these on the golf course, you gotta share.
C'mon. Pass the dutchie on the left hand side, man.

I...um. I don't really have any words for this.


This shirt I really wanted. For obvious reasons, of course.


And the award for best bastardization of a reality show logo goes to....

some bar! At least I think it was a bar. I don't know. I was really wasted at the time.

Annoying the rest of us for 20 years...
Now I wonder where I could get a CD to load some trial hours....say 1400 trial hours??

Do you even have to ask? Of course this came home with me.

Next question?

Wow. OK ladies...wear it with pride. Now you can be a "chick" AND objectified as property with one amazing t-shirt.
Except the chick wih the barbells. I have a feeling she could kick Rick's ass.


Now I ask you...what good is the t-shirt without the special glasses to decode the secret message from the Cap'n?

I have only heard of Eskimo Joe's from one other person. And had this been my size, I would have picked it up to match the purple Eskimo Joe's bandana I was given by that person.

And that about wraps it up for the shirts. And now ladies and gentlemen, I must warn you this next shot is very disturbing...


Yes. It's Kenny Rogers. Painted on black velvet. Oh the humanity!

In an effort to embrace cultural and gender diversity, the Ohio Thrift Store is proud to present...


The Gay Bar Starter Set. Nothing but the finest leathers!

And, if you act now, this set of 4 "Holy Crap" candles can be yours!

Operators are standing by.

That's the biggest pair of...meditation balls I've ever seen!

Now, I'm not an expert, but I have a few sets of these meditiation balls (the ones that soothe you when they touch and annoy everyone around you at the same instant)...and none of them are the size of small baseballs!


While these technically aren't a thrift item, they were in a vending machine at the thriftstore so it's fair game.
OK...WTF? After what-50 years, Hostess changes the wrapped on the Ding Dongs. That's just not right.

And in closing, I'll leave you with a bumper sticker we saw in the parking lot.

Good night.

-T

5.03.2006

Out of Sorts

Not sure what my deal is today. I got up this morning to go for a walk and it was spitting rain, but no biggie. My thriftstore Nikes were kind of hurting my feet, so that didn't help. But it felt good to go for the walk (other than the hurting feet).
 
And it's all going well...and then I get into work and just turn into PMS-Man.  I don't know what my deal is. I just feel bitchy this morning and I'm not sure why.
 
So..um. Yeah. That's all I got.

5.01.2006

Dishonorable Discharge

The Salvation Army Thrift Store has joined the list of places I won't go unless I have to.

I took Wayne over to get a new tire put on his motorcycle. And lucky for me, it's right across the street from the Salvation Army Thrift Store. So, we stopped over on the way back to the office.And I have to say...it just sucks now. It went from 1990's quaint but still kind of cool...to '06 trailer trash.

The racks were turned a different way. Things were all moved around.But that wasn't the worst.They took the vinyl off of these GREAT shelves that they used to have (yes, I coveted the shelves and wanted some just like them in my house). They put the albums in freakin' crates and laundry baskets.

BZZZZZT

Sure fire way to get me to not look at the albums is to put them into containers that are clearly designed for something else entirely (like laundry baskets).So, yeah. It's off the list of the thriftstore run. It's just not cool anymore.

Just a sad shadow of its former glory.

In The Bag

There are a few common threads throughout this blog if you read it long enough. One of these threads has to do with my obsession...er...ques...